Nursery Rhymes won't die out if we keep them updated

[Karenh]

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
The structure of the wall was incorrect
So he won a grand with Claims Direct.


It's Raining, It's Pouring
Of course...it's Global Warming.


Jack and Jill went into town
To fetch some chips and sweeties.
He can't keep his heart rate down
And she's got diabetes.


Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her
Between two chunks of bread.


Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its arse
And turned its wool to nylon.


Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
Kissed the girls and made them cry..
When the boys came out to play
He kissed them too cause he was gay.


Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
To have a little fun..
Jill, the dill,
Forgot her pill,
And now they have a son.


Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass
And grabbed her ass
Now his two front teeth are missing.


Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white and wispy.
Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease
And now it's black and crispy.

[CocoaButter]

Jack and Jill went up the hill
For just an itty bitty.
Jill’s now two months overdue,
And Jack has left the city

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass
and grabbed her ass
Now two of his front teeth are missing

I KNOW A REALLY NAUGHTY VERSION BUT I THINK ME GET TOLD OFF ON HERE

Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
Trim that @#$%& it's so damn hairy


Twinkle twinkle little star,
Rich Waller wears a wonder bra

Mirror, Mirrior on the wall
Who's the most fairest of them all?
The mirror laughed & then spat
It sure ain't you, You little prat!

The fart is a wonderful creature
it lives in the valley of bum
It travels around in your knickers
and comes out with a musical hum

There was an old man from Brent
whose knob was unusually bent
so to save him some trouble
he put it in double
and instead of coming he went

[Christine]

Mary had a little bike
She wheeled it round the grass
but every time the whell went round
A spoke went up her "£$$!!!

[CocoaButter]

in a whisper are we alowed to go rude

[Karenh]

CB and christine these are really good wonder how many we can think of!!!

[CocoaButter]

i can think of many but ur hair will stand on end and yr eyes will pop out of socket

[Susue]

Mary had a kittle duck
She kept it in a bucket.
And every time the duck got out
her poodle tried to ffffffff..... fetch it!!




Mary had a kittle lamb
Full of fun and frolics
She threw it up into the air
And caught it by its bbbbb..... back legs!!

I love these.... keep 'em coming!!!!

[Christine]

Mary had a little dog
she showed it to her granny
But every time that gran bent down
The doggy licked her *(%$£ ....hand!!

[Christine]

If i had a donkey and he wouldnt go
Would i beat him no no no
I'd put him in his stable and feed him some grass
And if he wouldnt eat it i'd stuff it up his $%^&, !!

[CocoaButter]

Hey Diddle, Diddle,
The cat did a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun
Then died of electric shock.


-------------------------
1000 sticks of dynamite sitting on a wall
1000 sticks of dynamite sitting on a wall
And if one stick of dynamite should accidentally fall...
There'll be no sticks of dynamite and no U**king wall
------------------------------

Jack and jill went up the hill
To smoke some marijuana
Jack got high unzipped his fly
And jill said i don't wanna.
------------------------------------

Little Miss Muffet,
Sat on her tuffet,
With her legs spread open wide.
Along came a spider,
Which sat down inside her,
And said "Dang, Ho, Your Coochie's Wide!"
----------------------------
there once was a snoodle who lived in a shoe, he had relations with a poodle and didnt know what to do, so he found an old noodle and sat in his box while he searched on google for three hens and a fox. I dont know who you are but i like your godlen goose, i dont know who you are but i want to pet you like a moose, i dont know who you are but I want to nail you in the caboose.


-----------------------
Peter Pipper Wacked his pickle, peter pipper pulled to hard that pickle juice stained his yard, and stunk up the air, peter pipper went to the fair where he wacked and pulled until it became bare, now it is raw, red, and bare his pants are tight with no room to spare, because peter pipper tugged and pulled when he was too old.